Dear God, How’ve you been?

Dear God,

How’ve you been?  I must iterate my apologies for not writing to you sooner.  However, due to the constant upheavals in my life (of which I hold you largely responsible) you must understand my reasons for not getting back to you sooner.  But, don’t worry, all is forgiven, darling.  It would be in terrible Christian manners for me not to forgive, don’t you agree?

Well, I’m sure you’ve been keeping up with everything that’s been happening from my end.  I must say it wouldn’t have killed you to check in with me from time to time.  As the universe creator and the all knowing ambassador of life, your advice on matters that sought a second look would’ve been encouraged.  For instance, where were you when I was eight years old and my grandmother passed away?  While you were transitioning her into new accommodations (which by the way better be first class considering she deserves it) my entire family tree fell apart.  In the while, the adults of the world thought it was okay to pick on me, the quiet kid, by saying how bad I was at everything.  Perhaps it was the quiet side of me that made me inept to sports and scholastics, allotting my free time to do, ya know, nothing. It’s not like I asked for anything, yet I was still labeled a spoiled brat.  Is it because the one thing I ever asked for was a swing and never got it?  Should I have made a fuss do you think?  I must say your absence taught me to live alone in a bubble from an early age.  I was comforted by shutting everyone out and changing my excessive smiles to pursed lips.  Can you believe that is still the same attitude I have with most people these days?  That point made me chuckle for a moment and I almost spilled my Perfect Manhattan that I’m drinking as I write this.  But, like I said, all is forgiven. 

Anyways, where was I?  Oh yes, your abandonment.  Sorry to sound like your mother, I’m sure.  I thought my childhood and adolescent years would be the worst of it all.  Well, was I wrong!  Maybe I’ll let you be the judge.

Darling, did you hear I became a homosexual?  Or, as the less educated population calls it, “a faggot?”  Boy, what an experience it’s been!  Thank goodness you approve and love homosexuals because people here sure don’t, especially the people who think they know how to interpret the Bible.  Can you believe they won’t let us marry?  What terrible manners.  I bet you didn’t see that coming when you created HIV.  Did you think when the first reported cases that were directed towards gay men that the world as we know it would sympathize?  Which reminds me, give my best to the millions of men and women who are no longer here because of HIV, including my Uncle George.

I shouldn’t be so dramatic about everything because I did let HIV in my bubble.  No doubt you heard that we’re involved?  I bet you heard the news through the grapevine that I’m with HIV?  Don’t worry; nothing to get bent out of shape over.  HIV and I grew a lasting relationship over the past year and a half:  I know where to find him if I need him and he leaves me alone, for now.  We check in with each other about every three or so months, which is more than I can say of you, but I digress.  Meanwhile, most of the homosexual community won’t talk to me because I’m with HIV.  Whodathunkit? 

Thank goodness you couldn’t be here in the days I hated being gay in a world that hates me for being gay.  I had a fabulous time with the gentleman (which one it was strikes my memory at the moment) that inserted his tainted sperm in me.  If not for him I would have never met HIV.  It’s dashing, really.  He opened up my circle of friends.  In fact, I see my best friends, Atripla and Isentress at least twice a day, now.  They have quite expensive tastes and eat me out of house and home, but I don't have the heart to say no to them.  They send their love and gratitude for introducing us. 

Sometimes I wonder if you hate me, but I’m just talking crazy. Right?  I’d say “LOL” to you, but it would appear you’ve been missing from the world for so long that you’d have no idea what that means?  Oh, you old fogy!  Or should I assume that you possibly have kept up with the times after all and just abandoned me? 

But, let me be serious for a moment and confess something to you, darling.  I do have regrets and abandonment issues of my own.  Since I’ve met HIV I’ve recently abandoned all the selfless men and women fighting to stop the spread of HIV.  Yes, HIV is cheating on me with millions of people out there, but I let it happen.  I, too, have been so focused on me that I forgot how important each and every one of them is to me.  I just hope they know.  Any advice for me considering you’re well versed in abandoning those in need? 

Well I should wrap this rampant letter up, darling.  I could only imagine all the other depressed and lonely people you need to attend to (or ignore) these days.  I’d end with saying, “looking forward to your reply letter,” but I know how terribly busy you are being God and all.  So until next time we coerce I’ll be holding down the fort on this cruel and unforgiving world you tossed me on.

Hugs and kisses,

Christopher