If I could hit the rewind button and was able to do one thing over again it wouldn’t be to take away my HIV status. HIV was the stepping stone to finally take control of my life. No, it would be to start school all over again. This time I would be a better English student so I could be a better writer. I would have pursued those dance classes and starred in the school and community plays and really got on that stage. I wouldn’t have quit the piano, the violin or singing classes. Oh the humanity!
Going to school for medicine was only to play it safe in an unsure economy. I’d love to help people, but I don’t believe my heart would’ve been in it. Going to school for teaching would have been nice, but again I only wanted summers off. I’d be passionate to help children learn math, but I don’t think I’d be truly happy.
Which brings me back to the question, “Why?” Why do I need to have a plan or an answer right now? I didn’t get to back pack through Europe after college, I didn’t get to travel the country “finding myself” and do all those wonderful things others were privileged to do in their younger years. I’ve been working since I was ten years old because my family was poor and when I was in school I spent every waking hour studying in the library trying to be a straight A student- in my head I was doing all the right things because I was told this was the right thing to do.